I struggle with this one.  I love to talk and sometimes can be a bad listener.  It is natural for us to want to talk about ourselves, our thoughts, our experiences, or what we did over the weekend.  We love to feel heard.  This can especially be true in a one-on-one conversation.  I will sit there “listening” to the other person present his or her thoughts while what I am really doing is thinking either about what I am going to say next or whether I am going to order chicken or steak in my Chipotle burrito bowl for lunch. After the person presents his or her point I respond, “that’s awesome,” without really absorbing what the person just said because in reality I was thinking about myself and what I was planning to say next.  I was thinking about myself rather than the other person.

Successful people are intentional about listening to others.  They ask questions.  They do not cut the other person off to share their own thoughts.  They wait for the other person to finish speaking and pause before responding.  Intentionally speaking less and listening more is very important for two key reasons.  First, the other person feels more appreciated and heard because you are making eye-contact, listening intently, and not fidgeting and worrying about the point that you want to make next.  Listening lets the other person know he or she is loved and appreciated.  Second, by making listening a top priority, you ultimately learn more.  Who would have thought?  You are able to focus on the other person’s point of view and gain a whole different perspective.  When you listen, you take the focus off yourself and your thoughts and onto the other person and their thoughts, their perspectives, their struggles, and their potential execution strategies.  You show love and you learn.  It’s a win-win.

Successful communicators treat each person as if they are the most important person in the room.  They treat each person as an enlightened, someone rich with wisdom.  Taking the focus off of yourself and onto the other person gives you a sense of peace and sends the message that you genuinely care about that person.  In our fast-paced culture where everyone is looking down at their iPhone, checking Instagram every thirty seconds, and thinking about the perfect SnapChat moment, the person who actually listens starts to stand out.  People will start to notice that you are different – you listen, you care, you love.

Treat every person you speak with as if she was the most important person in the room. Listen. Wait for her to finish her point.  Pause before speaking.  She will feel loved and you will have learned something new.  Both people will be more at peace.  Talk less. Listen more.